


The summertime of our lives

by SHADOWSQUILL



Series: The Tribulations of a Human Time Lord [1]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Broadchurch - Freeform, F/M, Nine is the metacrisis - Freeform, Pete's World (Doctor Who), Summer Holidays, alternative universe, self doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-07-28 18:22:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20068516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SHADOWSQUILL/pseuds/SHADOWSQUILL
Summary: "He was staying home alone, pacing around, pulling on the little hair he had. He suffered from panic attacks, hurt himself. Once, he harmed himself so badly that Rose had to take him to Torchwood to have him healed properly without questions."





	1. Chapter 1

The last few months had been hard for him. He had had to get used to this new condition. The half human part of him was bothering him a lot because it felt like a regression. One day, he was a superior being; the next day, he was an ordinary human with all the inconveniences it caused: too cold in winter – he almost went in hypothermia because he stayed too long in the snow without warm clothes – too hot when the temperatures were climbing, easily sick – first and last time he was getting a damn flu! Everything was wrong in the body of a human and he was thanking Gallifrey, Rassilon and all the stars of the galaxy for his Time Lord side. He was cleverer than normal but the silence in his head was unbearable. It was worse than after the war. Back then, he had the TARDIS. She was filling the holes, filling the silence. A silence that had driven him mad.

At first, he had hidden it from Rose, from her family. She had a job, had her habits, her routine. He was staying home alone, pacing around, pulling on the little hair he had. He suffered from panic attacks, hurt himself. Once, he harmed himself so badly that Rose had to take him to Torchwood to have him healed properly without questions. After that, he had told her the truth. She was staying home with him and sitting on the couch, his head on her lap. She would stroke her temple and speak or read to him for hours. When she couldn’t be home, she recorded her voice on a music device and he would listen to it until the battery died and he was left with nothing but the silence. He had quickly learnt how to use the television and watched the worst filths that could air until Rose came home and found him sprawled on the couch.

He had had to find something else, something that would keep him busy, that would soothe his mind. He tried sports – after nine centuries of running, staying home and doing nothing had him losing his nice shape – small jobs – but they all threw him out when he proved to be more intelligent than everyone – walks around a town he didn’t recognise. He inexplicably got his driving licence, babysat, helped people in the streets, played music, invented new scientific theories but nothing was really working. It was only temporary. Until he found out about gardening: diving his hands in earth, holding the tiny seeds, planting them, watering them, watching until they blossomed. Rose found him several times at night, covered in mud, observing the small stems and leaves. She would come to him and force him out of the garden and in the shower.

Torchwood had provided him with a brand new identity. A human identity. He was named Maxence Spitz and was born on February 16, 1982. Which was a total lie. He was much older. But he was going with it. As long as Rose kept calling him Doctor, he wasn’t too confused. Having a real name was easier when you had to live a human life. It was harder than a thought it was. He used to be afraid of many things as a Time Lord. These fears he had often mocked Rose and Martha and Donna about were his now and that was absolutely terrific. He couldn’t reason his mind. Whenever he tried thinking about something else, he was always coming back to this particular thought. Rose said that winter tended to sadden people and that summer would fix it all. But summer was taking all its time to come and the Doctor was desperate for these better days to come.

What he hadn’t been told was that summer was only a season. It wasn’t three months of just wandering around and enjoying life. Rose only had a couple weeks of holidays and that frustrated him to be forced to stay home while she was working for them to be able to live properly without Pete’s help. Money ruled the world, no matter the universe you were in and he had none. This was really getting to him and nothing could take away the weight of hi unworthiness that was a little heavier every day. _‘You can’t stay like this,’_ had declared Rose after finding him once again slouched on the couch. He didn’t know what she meant until she started taking him with her everywhere like he was her lapdog and he didn’t like that very much. He quickly rebelled against her and refused to do that ever again.

This was their first and biggest argument. An argument where he unleashed all his rage, his resentment, his frustration, his pain. And she took it all square in the face. It wasn’t what he wanted and he hated him himself even more when she silently passed the door and left their flat, left him alone to deal with his stupidity, to deal with this anger he had always had in him, with his loath. What was he supposed to do with that? What was he supposed to do with himself? He totally let himself go. He spent his time pacing around the couch for hours and barely slept. Eating, drinking, showering weren’t his main priorities. He was more resistant than an ordinary human but such a treatment wasn’t good, even for a half Time Lord and so, he ended up with hallucinations, dizziness and constant nausea. And when Rose came back home, she found him crazed and sprawled on the couch.

It took him a couple days to get better and all this time, she was watching over him and taking care of him. It was as if they never fought that day. It was like one of those days in the beginning of their life together here. Simple, quiet, perfect. He was in bed, cursing himself and his stupid behaviour and she was sitting beside him, his head on her lap, her hand stroking his temple as she sang a song he didn’t know at all. She dropped a kiss on his forehead.

“I’ve taken a leave. I’m staying with you until the end of it. Pete’s okay with that.”

“Why do you do that?”

She just smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She continued her strokes on his temple. It felt good, good enough for him to relax and close his eyes. Only a couple of minutes.

That was a fact that was bothering him a lot: being half human resulted in him needing more sleep. As a Time Lord, he only needed one hour of sleep here and there whenever he felt like to. Now he needed a couple hours of sleep every day. Less than a human but it was a loss of time in his opinion. Something else that was also very human caused him to wake up suddenly: hunger. He was hungry all the bloody time and was putting on weight. A little bit but that was enough for him to notice it. The smell he woke up to wasn’t gonna help him with that. A whole lunch was waiting for him on the bedside table. His eyes, however, caught sight of something much more interesting. Suitcases. Closed suitcases that seemed very, very full. And one of them, there was a bettered leather jacket.

He swallowed the lump in his throat. This was the last piece of his life as a Time Lord. The old jacket he was wearing as a shield against everything and everyone that could get too close to him, that could hurt him more. That other Doctor… he had handed it to him before disappearing. That pretty boy Rose would have preferred finishing her life with instead of him. He had never worn that jacket ever since. It was laying around on a coat hanger in a wardrobe he was not even opening. He had put it as far from him as he could. He didn’t want to see for it reminded him too much of his past as a traveller, of everything he had lost. He was still not ready to wear it again. Unless… Could those suitcases be for Rose? She said she had taken a leave, that she would stay with him but… what if she had decided to leave in the end? After all, he had never been the one she wanted.

He sat up slowly. A few hours of sleep had done him lots of good but he wasn’t well enough to do much. He needed food and water but he was too stubborn to cooperate when his girlfriend was about to leave him! He awkwardly stood up and reeled to the bathroom. He rinsed his face and carefully avoided his reflection in the small mirror hung above the sink. He looked as terrible as he felt. No need to confirm that theory. He turned his back on the mirror and sighed. He ignored if he could go back to the room. Probably. He felt stable enough to walk despite his weakness. He reached the door, leant on it a couple seconds. Rose was in the room. She was adding stuff on the suitcases in neat piles. Stuff that belonged to her but also to him. Luggage for them. What was she up to? He said nothing but gripped the frame of the door. He had to eat something, to send some sugar in his veins.

“Don’t stay there. Come over and have a bite.”

She pointed to the food before opening a suitcase – her – and stuffing it with what she had brought. He reeled to the bed and let himself fall there. He swallowed a first mouthful of food to please her. Once again, she was thrilling his taste buds. She was a better cook than he would ever be. Not that she was bad. He could cook but it was too domestics for him.

“So, what’s the plan?”

“What plan?”

“The suitcases. The jacket. Going somewhere?”

“You and I, both.”

The idea was enthralling. He ate some more, watched her pack their things. That process was unknown to him. Why packing when you had a spaceship with everything on board? A sentient ship supplying your every need? He really missed the TARDIS sometimes and the lump in his throat was back now that he was thinking of her. They usually avoided the subject but when Rose noticed the look on his face, she came and sat by his side on the bed, a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, I haven’t been more present for you.”

“I should be sorry to give you so much to worry about.”

“You’re sounding like Donna.”

“I’m much better at self-depreciation.”

Rose squeezed his shoulders. She hated when he was speaking like this. She was often mocking him with that and he would become his usual sarcastic self. Donna was an exceptional human but she had a very particular way of expressing herself.

“That’s all the point. Half human, half Time Lord. A right hand that doesn’t belong to that body. I don’t know who I am, what I am supposed to do. I’m stuck here all day with no purpose.” He lay on his back and stared at the ceiling. “I’m stranded in a universe that isn’t mine, deprived from my ship, from my life; I have a fake name.” He paused. He was mumbling for himself now. “Who am I? What am I supposed to do?”

Rose lay on her side, snuggled against him. She put her head on his shoulder, pressed her hand on his single heart. For a moment, she stayed silent, just listening to the questions floating in the air. A new old Doctor, yes. But a new breed of Time Lord, of human. Something that had never happened before. Someone who shouldn’t exist in this universe. He was going through an existential crisis. She had gone through the same when she arrived here. He just didn’t know.

“But you’ve got the woman you love.”

“I’m not the one she wants. I’m just the pretty boy’s right hand.”

“He’s not the one I fell in love with,” she cried out, sitting up. “He’s not the one who took my hand ad made me run in this life of wonders. You are! And that hand,” she grabbed his right hand, intertwined their fingers, held it tight. “that very hand is yours. I’ve held it many times and I can tell it’s yours and not his.”

He was very clever but he couldn’t get why she was getting so passionate upon his questions. He had just expected her to listen, to comfort him like they always did. But this was upsetting her mire than he thought. There was more to it and he just wanted for her to continue.

“The pretty boy like you call him was more interested in mysteries and other women. It was nice for him to have someone to travel with but he was careless. He wasn’t as protective of me as you were. I found myself in danger many more times and thankfully you taught me how to survive to the worst threats, to handle myself when I wandered off. I missed that Northern Doctor that was sometimes rude to other species.”

The Doctor looked at their tied hands. His gaze lingered on his right hand, the one that had never appeared to him like his, this hand that was too large, these fingers that were long and thin, almost skeletal, those too light hairs. He observed it as Rose was peaking about Madame de Pompadour and how she waited for hours for the pretty boy to come back after he left her and Ricky on an adrift spaceship with clockwork droids wanting to kill them. The hand didn’t look so foreign to him anymore. It was less skin, more fleshy and fatter, long but sausage fingers, fingertips and nails in bad shape, palms calloused. Definitely _his_ hand. The exact twin of his left hand. He placed this left hand over his and Rose’s hands. He squeezed them, a silent way to tell her that he understood now, that he could see it. Rose stopped talking and gave him a smile where he could see all her relief. She loved him, she chose him. They would find their way together.

x

Next thing he knew, they were on the road toward their destination for the rest of the summer. Apparently, being the daughter of the boss had some good advantages, like having unlimited holidays. She had a friend, she said, in a small town in the Jurassic Coat in Dorset. Some town called Broadchurch. It was the tourist season and there was nothing available anymore except for this small shack very close to the sea. A stack that belonged to that D.I. Alec Hardy. Obviously, the Doctor had googled the name – if googling stuff still applied in a world where the search engine didn’t exist – and found out that the guy had an uncanny resemblance with the pretty boy. Which didn’t please him much. Especially since Rose had admitted that they saw each other a couple times. It was over now. Definitely over. It had been a long time before he arrived in this universe and yet, he felt jealous because she tried forgetting him in the arms of someone else.

Broadchurch was a nice little town though. Everyone greeted Rose with smiles and he sometimes felt like a stranger in her life. She never let go of his hand as she drove to the small shack. She parked as close as she could and they unloaded the car. The keys were waiting for them in one of those boxes with a code, a code Rose had received after renting the place. They settled down in this lovely little place.

“What do you think of a walk around before dinner?”

“Sounds nice.”

Yet, his voice wasn’t very enthusiastic. He was still on the ‘Alec Hardy + Rose Tyler’ affair. Nothing was really done. Not ever. Time was just a loop and they were doing the same things and the making the same mistakes over and over again. This was bothering him a lot and he was brooding all along their walk in the port. Hands in pockets, he wasn’t finding any satisfaction in anything despite the beauty of everything. He liked the town better than London. Quieter, smaller, better smelling. Not a sign of pollution. Just the fresh air of the port town. And then, there was an ice-cream truck and Rose was tugging on his arm like a child and looking at him with pleading eyes.

“You’re buying? Please?”

“No money.”

Such a parody of their first date – if you could call that a date – made him smile and all his bad mood was gone. That was one of the things she loved about him, his ability to change his mood so easily. She nudged him, calling him a liar for she was always giving him money to have on him. It was just in case he would need it, even if he was refusing to use what he called _her_ money. He gave in eventually and bought her a three balls cone: strawberry, raspberry and vanilla.

“What?” she asked when she saw him observing her.

His bemused smile betrayed him of course. He slipped a finger in the already melting ice-cream and sucked it playfully in response to her offended look. He did it slowly, very slowly, and his smile widened when her pupils became as black as coal. He plunged his finger in the ice-cream again and licked it. Very, very slowly. And Rose decided to enter the game. She sucked on the ice-cream left on her cone eagerly, sensually and flirtatiously. He reacted the exact way she did: his eyes turned black, his flesh covered itself in goosebumps and his cock became uncomfortably hard. When she ate the last bit of the cone, her face had marks of frozen strawberry, raspberry and vanilla around the lips. Immediately, he swooped down on her to kiss her and lick the ice-cream off her face. Her hand quickly slipped from his shoulder to the back of his neck and she pulled him closer, pressed her body against his chest.

Things were heating up fast and his hand grabbed her thigh. Her groan was muffled by his mouth and their making out was suddenly interrupted by the clearing of a throat. They could have been embarrassed but they just stepped back with smiles on their faces. The Doctor’s faded instantaneously when he saw the intruder. He contained his disdain and jealousy as Rose greeted her friend, Alec Hardy, and just nodded a salute when he was introduced.

“I have what you’ve asked me.”

The voice was different from the pretty boy. Well. It has the same tessitura but the accent was awfully Scottish and there was a tone that wasn’t the kind one used by the new Doctor. If anything, those two men were diametrically different. They only shared the same features.

Alec didn’t say more about the mysterious demand. He just dropped keys in Rose’s hand and left. He had showed up at the shack but they weren’t there. He had seen them on his way home and stopped to give the bunch of keys to Rose. She pocketed it with a look of mischief. His eyebrow raised so hard on his large forehead that they could have gotten lost in the fringe he didn’t have contrarily to D.I. Alec Hardy. Rose pushed him slightly to chase this jealousy away. She gave him a tongue-touching smile and while he was struggling with the spell she was casting on him, she ran away.

“Oi! Not fair!”

He often forgot that she was just a kid when he had swept her off her feet and dragged her across the universe. She had grown up quickly because of him, gained in maturity and this universe had made her a very independent woman but deep down, she was still the pink and yellow girl who loved having fun. And what was the point of growing up if you couldn’t be childish at times? He shook his head, laughing, and chased her along the pedestrian trails of Broadchurch. Grass, rocks, dry earth left for sand and it became harder to run after Rose whose cheerful laugh was ringing to his ears. Once again, he was forced to admit that he was nothing more than an ordinary human. His legs were heavy and he was breathless in no time. Soon, he was compelled to stop running. He put his hands on his knees to catch his breath. He was still discovering his limits and hated more than everything else when he was confronted to them. Rose caught him by surprise and jumped on his back, causing him to lose his balance and bit the sand.

He tried to protest but only managed to swallow more sand. Instead, he wrapped an arm around Rose and exchanged their spot. He lay her down on the sand and stabilised himself above her. He needed a moment to cough the sand out of his human lungs and she used that time to reverse the part again. Only to be back under him. She was laughing heartfully and he couldn’t help but laugh too. Everything was forgotten and forgiven. Now was all about fun and love and not giving a fuck about people on the beach who were looking at them.

x

People were leaving and the were still sat there in the sand, watching the water licking the beach, going back and forth. They were silent. They didn’t have anything to say at the moment. They were just enjoying the present moment. The Doctor had his arm around Rose’s and she had her head on his shoulder.

“Feeling better?”

“About what?”

“About letting yourself die because I was gone. You were nearly dead when I found you this morning.”

“You’re exaggerating.”

“You’d let yourself die if I was gone?”

“Wouldn’t be fast enough.” He pulled her closer to him, wrapped her into a tight embrace she couldn’t escape from. “You’d have to take me with you.”

“Together?”

She snuggled closer to him. It was getting dark now and they hadn’t eaten yet. They didn’t feel like moving. It felt like time had stopped its course for them to have that precious moment they needed.

“Forever.”

He smiled and kissed her head tenderly. There were many questions that needed answers but it wouldn’t be for tonight. Not too much anxiety in one day. He had had enough already. However, the Doctor was no man to stay in one place for too long. He was soon up to his feet. He shrugged his unzipped hoodie off and got rid his shoes and socks. Rose titled her head on the side, wondering what he was doing. Until he plunged in the fresh water and swam. He was far enough to only be a dark figure to her when he waved at her with a large grin.

“Come over!” he yelled at her.

She shook her head, smiling, and he kept waving at her. She tried to warn him about the way the water was moving. The currents could be dangerous. He, of course, should know better. He used to be a – very bad – pilot driving though the course of the vortex, which was as tempestuous as the sea. It seemed quiet but it wasn’t. He was tossed about by the water and soon it engulfed him as if he was nothing more than a floating branch. Immediately, she was on her feet, had taken off her shoes and jacket before plunging in the water. She swam desperately to reach him before he drowned. He could hold his breath for a while – at least, his Time Lord twin could. He didn’t know his limits, didn’t know when to stop and… He resurfaced right before her with that manic grin she usually loved. She slapped his shoulder to make him pass the envy of doing that again.

“I thought you were drowning!”

“Me? Never!”

She slapped his shoulder again and pushed his head under water to give him a lesson but he only played the fool and pretend to be drowning until he really was and she had to drag him back to the beach and do a mouth-to-mouth and when he coughed the water out of his lungs, she called him an idiot, yelled at him and he only smiled at her as her heart softened. She loved him, she cared for him, she didn’t want to lose him. That was him and no one else.

x

There was a small paper boat on the edge of the window that morning. Everything was new, unfamiliar and exciting by the was intrigued by this paper boat made of newspaper. The light was shining right onto it. He was absolutely fascinated by this cute origami. He heard the water, its swells rolling under the fragile paper hull, and smelt the salty air of the ocean. His heart cried out for adventures. He imagined himself standing on the deck, on the very edge, and watching the horizons for him to discover them. The wind would whip his face and engulf in his clothes. It would lead him to an unknown destination where he would have the time of his lives, running away from troubles, discovering new things, making new friends. That’s how his life had always been after he stole that type 40 TARDIS, even after the war. He had always been sailing toward novelty and adventures.

He didn’t realise he was crying until a hand wiped away a salty pearl of water on his cheek. The touch was soft and gentle on him. The woman to whom the hand belonged to appeared in his field of vision and hid the small origami from him. He didn’t lean in her touch but he didn’t push her hand away either. She traced the features of his face, the wrinkles of his forehead, his large ear, his jaw, his chin. Her face showed the concern she had about him, about his reactions. No words were pronounced. Not one. He never said anything, always kept it all for himself and she just did with it. Everything was different now. Their relationship was different. They were supposed to share everything. Domestics. Something he had to be taught about. He was an adventurer, a traveller. Not someone you could keep locked in a cute house with a white fence and a small garden. It was suffocating him, drowning in a life he had once dreamt of for Rose and himself.

“Breathe, Doctor.”

The hand was on his cheek. He drifted back to the present moment, focused on his breathing until it was back to a reasonable rhythm. His single heart was aching. It was crushed. Typical of a panic attack. Symptoms of anxiety. He was used to them but he wasn’t used to have someone to help him through them. Rose never saw him vulnerable. Until he arrived here.

“Looking for you, crossing the universes to find you, that’s what helped me when I arrived here.”

“And now?”

“Now I’ve got you. The only person I ever wanted to be with.”

“And you don’t need more?”

“I want the adventures, the stars, the travels. I miss it. But having you is worth the sacrifice.”

“I’ve wanted this life with you. All we have here. But I’m not sure I’m made for this.”

“Let’s become defenders of the Earth. This universe is also suffering from invasions, attacks, secrets and no one is better than you for this.”

“Except for you.”

“I’ve had a great teacher.”

“How do we defend Earth without a TARDIS, a sonic?”

“You might be surprised at how easy it is.”

Rose got up and picked the leather jacket from the hook on the door. She sat cross-legged on the bed. He sat up, wondering what she was up to. She put her hand in the right pocket and looked for something inside. She pulled out a small silver tube. His heart stopped beating a couple seconds. It couldn’t be… She grabbed his hand and placed the tube in his palm. Black bottom, grey cracked paint on the middle, blue tip. He folded his fingers around the gey metallic device to make sure it was real. It looked real.

“After you changed, I kept the jacket. I was sleeping with it sometimes, just to have the feeling of your arms around me. I thought that was why he gave it back to you, because it was familiar and comforting. Until I found this in the pocket. You would have been too proud to accept it if he had given it to you that day so he found an alternative. The sonic doesn’t make the Doctor but of that makes you feel better…”

He had never thought he would hold this precious artefact ever again, nor that he would be able to use it. It was fully charged and ready for adventures that would never come. He smiled sadly but didn’t let go of it. He would keep it as a lucky charm or as a trinket. He had been living an almost normal life since he was here. If he chose the facility option now, he would never find happiness and peace.

“A captain is worth nothing without a ship.”

“Good thing I’ve kept that in my sleeve.”

He raised an eyebrow and she gave him a mischievous smile. She brandished keys in front of his nose, the exact keys that Alec Hardy gave her the previous day. There was an orange plastic tag on the ring. It was written ‘Vortex’ on it. A very strange name to give to keys.

“I couldn’t convince them to call it ‘TARDIS’ or ‘Gallifrey’. They accepted ‘Vortex’ though. Sounds nice.”

“So you have a vehicle called ‘Vortex’?”

“Not an ordinary vehicle.”

She gave him another one of those smiles and took his hand. She forced him out of the bed where he was in nothing else but his boxers and led him outside. He shivered when the chilly morning wind reached him. Bloody human condition. His favourite blonde pointed to the horizon, to a large black spot on the sea. The silhouette of a boat.

“That’s Pete’s yacht. He accepted to lend it to us for all the time we’ll be here. They dropped anchor in the bay a couple days ago and gave the keys to Alec.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“You’ve got your ship, captain.”

That for a surprise! That was the biggest surprise of the year. He was rarely speechless but he was right now. Rose Tyler, his pink and yellow girl, definitely knew how to make him feel better…


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "London was too large, too big and it kept digging a distance between them in a universe where they didn’t belong. Jackie was the only one to fit in nicely."

“So, you’ve requisitioned your dad’s yacht for me?”

They were back in the small house and she had wrapped him in a warm blanket. It was summer but it wasn’t exceedingly hot outside, especially this close to the sea. Plus, in small towns like this, there were always curious getting up early to wander around for gossips. A half-naked new man with a respected heiress was perfect, particularly since they weren’t married. He never cared for gossips before. He didn’t have any time to give to those. But now he was human and it was really annoying to be the centre of those talks. He had heard too many of them in London. He hoped not to live the same thing here.

“Don’t call him dad, please.”

Rose put two cups of hot tea and a box of sugar on the table and sat down on the opposite side of his. It was a small table, barely enough room for two, but this proximity would bring them closer. London was too large, too big and it kept digging a distance between them in a universe where they didn’t belong. Jackie was the only one to fit in nicely.

“Why not? You were born from a father named Pete Tyler. Different universe but same man.”

“We don’t get along that well.”

The Doctor put a sugar cube in his cup and stirred the drink. Rose looked away. The view she had from the window was more interesting than that talk about Peter Tyler, a father she had lost in her original universe. She would have given anything to spend more time with him… but that time was given to her with an alternate version of him. A version that was very different from the one she met in 1987.

“For mum, it was easy. He got used to her very quickly. He was already married to her. No matter the version, mum is… mum.” The Doctor snorted. He had no difficulty in picturing that. “But me… I never existed in this universe. Never had any room. He saved me because I was mum’s most precious thing in life. He adopted me, helped me to success in what I wanted. We try to keep up appearances but we’ve never been close. We are cold, awkward.”

There was a silence and she realised he had moved from his chair when he wrapped her into one of his comforting embraces. She didn’t resist, she hid her face in his naked shoulder. She sniffled, wiped away the tears from her face, from his bare skin. He never said a word, waited for her to be done.

“And then, Tony came.”

She didn’t hate on her little brother. It was all the contrary. When she was younger, she had wished for all of this. She had wanted a father and siblings. She had been raised as an only child, been used to have all of her mother’s attention. The, the Doctor came and it had had no importance anymore. Until she was stranded here. And sometimes, she felt very alone, very abandoned. She couldn’t go to her mother for she feared to be considered as selfish for needing attention, to be told to be happy because she had everything she had ever dreamt of.

The Doctor highly doubted that Jackie would ever think so badly of her daughter. The woman was terrible and ready to anything to protect her Rose. He had seen it immediately when he came into their lives. This universe might have put some distance between them but their bond could never be broken. They just needed a proper and serious talk. As now wasn’t the time, the Doctor did the only thing he could. Something she had done for him before.

“Now you’ve got me and I’m never gonna leave you. You’re stuck with me.”

He didn’t have to look down at her to know it had brought a smile to her lips. He dropped a kiss on the top of her head. Her hair still had that salty smell from their night bath in the sea. She hadn’t showered yet. Neither did he. They had just dried themselves off and gone to bed. They hadn’t been there for a full day and it already had considerably pulled them closer to each other and pushed them to open up more easily. A more exotic destination probably wouldn’t have had this effect.

“So, that yacht?”

“My captain needed a ship.”

“Not quite the type of ship I’m used to pilot.”

“They’re announcing a peak of heat wave in the next few days. We should enjoy the time we have to go on that yacht, don’t you think?”

The Doctor grinned. Yes, that indeed was the kind of plans he could like. They drank their tea and rushed to the bathroom where they fought about the little room they had to move in. The Doctor mumbled something about humans and their inability to create bigger on the inside rooms to which Rose retorted that he was also human before throwing a sponge bath at him, sponge bath he avoided just in time. He responded with a toothbrush and the fight continued until the bathroom was flooded and the Doctor had to retreat in their bedroom. He opened his suitcase and pulled on his usual jeans with a T-shirt branded with one stupid quote. The only proper shirt shirts you could find in this universe apparently.

“I have something better for you.”

She grabbed her suitcase and threw it on the bed. She opened it and looked through her clothes and underwear. The Doctor felt his ear turn red. Rose and him never went intimate. There had been kisses and small touches but they hadn’t gone that far. His confusion, adaptation and questions had prevented them from getting this close. So seeing laced panties and other elaborate underwear in her suitcase was making him rather uncomfortable. He turned his head away and slightly cleared his throat, causing Rose to have a quiet laugh. All impressive that he pretended to be, he could still be embarrassed by the smallest things.

“Here.”

“You can’t be serious.”

She was holding out to him the most hideous outfit he had ever seen – and he had seen a lot of them in his life – and he wouldn’t accept to wear this one in this life. In the sixth incarnation, he maybe would have accepted. The criminal outfit consisted in a bright red shirt with big white flowers in the Hawaiian style. The sorts were in the same style. There was no way he would put that on.

“You can’t go around in jeans with the upcoming heatwave. It’s not suitable for the weather.”

“I can cope.”

“When you were a Time Lord, you could,” she corrected him softly.

“What do you mean?”

“Human biology, Doctor.”

She placed her hand over his only heart. He still had troubles admitting it to himself and she always had to remind him of this unusual condition. Of course it wasn’t pleasing him at all and he would be sulking for a while but he would eventually enjoy this. He refused to wear the outfit and they didn’t talk about it, not even when they walked along the beach as the sun was rising higher in the sky. Just a walk before they went to the boat that would take them to the yacht. They had to buy food on their way to the port bt the Doctor was too busy burying his toes in the sand. He hadn’t really cared about this the previous day but now, after taking off his boot to be sure, he could tell that the sand was different from their original universe and that it reminded him of a planet he couldn’t remember the name of. Rose could only watch him, half amused, half annoyed. 900 years old kiddo.

“Doctor?”

She was trying to get his attention back on her but he was too focused on analysing the sand and looking for the name of the planet this ground was reminding him of. She sighed and decided to do the same thing as usual when he was like this: she wandered off. He would have to look for her. Just like in the old times. She went to the local shop and bought everything they needed for their picnic. She was coming out of the shop when she saw Alec’s car passing by. She waved at him, not knowing if he had seen her, and continued her route. She was loading the bags of food in the small motorised boat that would take them – if the Doctor found her – to the yacht when they would be ready. She threw her backpack close to the commands. She was gonna jump on board when she heard footsteps behind her. Formal shoes and boots. One of them was her Doctor.

“I found something that’s yours.”

“I’m no something.”

Rose turned around to face two familiar grumpy faces. One of them was a beardy Scottish in suit, the other was a Northerner in jeans. The latter had his hands handcuffed in his back and really wasn’t pleased with it – though it wasn’t the first time it happened. The situation was pretty funny to her and she had a hard time not laughing. It would have infuriated the Doctor even more.

“You’ve brought me back, now can you take these off?”

“I’ve never seen someone so annoying before him. How can you handle this guy?”

“It takes time, but he can be lovely.”

“Never in a million years.”

That was typical from the Doctor to react like this. Especially this version of him. He had always been a grumpy guy. The fault of a past tormenting him. A past that was now as heavy as ever as he was definitely cut from his roots, as he was part of a species that never existed in any world before him. He was going through an identity crisis. Just like she did years before. He was looking for himself, for who he was and it could take more time than they all thought due to this special condition.

“What has he done?”

There was an again in her voice that made the Doctor snort and Alec raise an eyebrow. The man was a troublemaker who needed a close watch. The detective trusted Rose but he had a hard time trusting her fiancé or whatever he was to her. He wasn’t clear and he couldn’t let such a danger around Rose. Not after what she had been through. He pulled a silver tube out of his pocket and showed it to Rose.

“Isn’t he too old to annoy people with a laser thing?”

“This is not a toy!” protested the Doctor.

Alec pointed the device on him and pressed the button to prove his point with the blue light. The Doctor pretended he wasn’t affected. His precious sonic screwdriver in the hands of a clod. This guy had no idea what this blue tip could do. On human, or not human beings. He was only scanning the area with the sonic but this stupid detective had changed the settings with his dumb fingers.

“If that’s not a laser, I don’t know what it is.”

The Doctor was relieved when the sonic was taken away from him. He caught Rose’s worried look on him. So did Alec. It raised more questions to the detective’s mind. He told Rose that he had wanted to be nice and let her know about her boyfriend’s behaviour but his insolence and disrespect had made him change his mind. He would take him to the police station instead. The Doctor refused but Rose shushed him with one glance. He better shut up if he didn’t want any more troubles. The blonde tried to convince her friend that he shouldn’t do that. It was useless now. The decision was taken and she could only steal the sonic discreetly from his pocket. Another habit she had gotten from the Doctor.

x

Rose hadn’t lied when she said that a heatwave was gonna hit the country soon. Before, he wouldn’t have minded but before, he was a Time Lord. Now, he was human and he had no control over his body reactions. This white cell wasn’t helping him either. There was no window. Just four walls and a door with a hatch. Suffocating. It was very badly ventilated and the heat mixed with the smells of the previous occupiers of the room was unbearable. His shirt was totally soaked with how much he was sweating. His jeans were sticking to his skin but he refused to admit that Rose was right, that he should have put on that horrible outfit. He was pacing around. It wasn’t the first time he was locked in a cell and he could always find a way out of there. And he had a TARDIS to get away from the troubles he had gotten into.

“Oi! Anybody there?”

He wouldn’t beg that detective to open the door, to release him. He wouldn’t give him that pleasure. He already had had too much of it when he had locked him in there. At least, the Doctor had had the satisfaction of seeing the confusion on his face when he found no sonic in his pockets, when he couldn’t find the device on the Doctor either. Clever Rose. She had gotten it back and the grumpy detective was angry.

The Doctor wiped away the sweat on his forehead. When had this cell become such an oven? He had a damn headache. He glanced at his watch, remembered that it had taken from him. He thought. His mind wasn’t very clear. How could it be possible? Now his eyes were staring at the ceiling and he heard the far echo of a door being opened. And the face of the detective coming into his field of vision.

“Shitface,” he croaked.

The joke made him laugh but he was the only one. He had heard Alec Hardy’s colleague calling him that and he couldn’t disagree. But he was the only one to laugh at joke. The detective didn’t seem to find it funny though he obviously knew that it was the nickname he was given around here. He shouted something to someone outside the cell. The Doctor laughed. This guy was so ridiculous. He closed his eyes a couple seconds. This light was increasing his headache.

How he ended up sitting on that bench, his shoulder leant against the closest corner, with the detective sitting not far, he couldn’t tell. There was a whole moment of blackness between the moment the detective came in and now. The room was silent, the door was still open and there was a fresh breeze stroking his skin. It was delightful, unhoped for. The Doctor sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose. There was a bottle of water beside him. He drank from it greedily.

“The station apologises for the disagreement. There was a malfunction in the ventilation. They should have taken you out of here when it started.”

Except no one had moved to obey a direct order from him. Even if he had been here for years, they still liked to annoy him. They voluntarily forgot that there was a man locked down in this cell until Alec stepped back in the station and went to see him. The responsible would be punished severely. This could have had serious consequences. But thankfully, the man known as Maxence Spitz was okay. Just dehydrated.

“You’re a troublemaker,” continued the detective.

The Doctor snorted, “I’d be one if I was looking for troubles, but troubles find me wherever I am.”

“You gotta understand that Rose…”

“Rose what?” interrupted the part-Time Lord, swiftly turning his head to glare at his rival. “What do you have to say about **_my_** Rose?”

“You weren’t there when she needed you the most.” The tone was sarcastic, abrupt. A tone he himself used. “**_I_** was.”

That was a stab straight in the Doctor’s heart. If they hadn’t been in a police station, if it hadn’t been an obvious proof that he was looking for troubles, he would have knocked that damn man out for speaking like this. As if it had been any of his fault. The blame was on the pretty boy. Him had come in the picture long after to pick up the pieces left.

“That was complicated.”

Because the man Alec Hardy was talking to didn’t exist when Rose had been trapped in this world. He was born years later. If it had only been for him, he would have fractured the whole thing to have his Rose back, but the pretty boy seemed to have a consciousness that was working for once.

“She first came here around two years ago. She was with her mother,” the Doctor grimaced, “and her little brother. She pretexted they were here for holidays but it wasn’t the season. It was for something else. Jackie and Tony went back to London and she stayed. For months. Here, in that small house you’ve rented.”

“How have you met?”

“I had a call one night. I was the only one left at the station so I went there. She was standing on the edge of the cliff overlooking the beach. I stood beside her. There was so much sadness in her at that moment.”

The detective marked a pause there, remembering that night. It was his first meeting with the woman and her sadness reached him. He was always telling Miller to not get too involved and he had broken that rule that night.

“I don’t know if she really wanted to jump. She was suffering from a severe depression and no one knew how to relieve her from her pain. I brought her back to the house, made tea and stayed with her. I made sure she never was alone.”

“And you’ve done that job with pleasure,” bitterly completed the Doctor.

“I called her family, ordered officers to watch over her. And yes, I did invite her a couple times.”

“How did that go?”

Alec ignored the sarcasm, “It’s easy to fall in love with Rose Tyler and nearly impossible to win her favours. She was too busy looking for something else, for **_someone_** else.”

“Who could that be?”

“You. She was looking for you.”

Alec continued his tale, telling him how he helped her to get better, how she often travelled back to Broadchurch when London was too hard for her, when her researches were leading nowhere. He was her only friend in this world and he had taken great care of her while she was alone. The Doctor was ungrateful with his behaviour.

“Thank you.” This was awful for him to thank that guy. “For making sure she was okay when I couldn’t.”

The detective grumbled something and finally announced that he was free to go now. The Doctor didn’t need to be told twice. He emptied the bottle of water and followed Alec out of the cell. His belongings were given back to him and he met with Rose in the entrance hall. His first reflex was to wrap her in a tight embrace and drop a tender kiss on her lips. He wished he had known sooner. They left the station together, hand in hand. They were barely in the car that he spoke finally.

“We shouldn’t go back to London.”

“Why that?”

“We’re not happy there. We should travel more, discover this world together.”

“Yeah? Where does that idea come from?”

“You know, pacing around a tiny cell. I hate closed spaces.”

“But transports are confined spaces with lots of people.”

“Yeah, always forget that, me.”

He fell silent again and contemplated the landscape through the window of the car. It had been a stupid idea. He regretted even saying it out loud. He didn’t have the TARDIS anymore. He needed to use the public transports, had to pay with money he didn’t have. They were condemned to stay in London forever. What a dull life.

“Funny you mentioned this need of traveling.” The Doctor turned his head toward her, waiting for what was coming next. “There’s something I had to show you.”

She didn’t add more and he was forced to wait until they were back to their small house. Even then, she kept her mysterious smile on and left him to wonder what she had in store for him. Must be something really big for her to keep this secret from him, for her to leave him pondering…


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He never thought he would see one those things ever again in his shorten life. He thought he had destroyed them all. This universe wasn’t supposed to have this kind of technology either."

The Doctor was astonished. He hadn’t seen that one coming and even if he had seen it coming, he would still had been left speechless. This day hadn’t been a good one in his book. It had begun smoothly with that surprise and the talk he had had with Rose, but then, he had been arrested by Alec Hardy, almost ended up in a hospital and learnt more about Rose in five minutes than he had in months. She had driven him home, forced him do drink more – he was glad that she had a go at Alec for leaving him locked in that overheated cell. The only thing he wanted to know was what was the surprise she had in store for him. He wasn’t patient, nor was he used to be the one left to ponder. Rose Tyler had been one of his best companions and she obviously had learnt some tricks from him. He hated the fact that it was used against him.

He never thought he would see one those things ever again in his shorten life. He thought he had destroyed them all. This universe wasn’t supposed to have this kind of technology either. There were aliens but they didn’t have time travel or dimension travel technologies. Because the dimension canon built by Torchwood obviously. So when Rose had pulled out this wrist device similar to the one Jack was wearing when they met that night. She had just given him a cheeky smile before fastening it around her arm. She hooked her other arm around his and dialled on the small keyboard. He had known what would happen; had known that he would feel disoriented and nauseous, that he would stumble and maybe fall. This device wasn’t protecting the user. It was just teleporting them from point A to point B. The TARDIS at least was keeping them safe when they were travelling. Another reason that made him miss his precious ship. What he wouldn’t give to have it back! But that was impossible.

He was dizzy, lost his balance and fell on all four. Rose only stumbled. She chuckled and held a hand out to him to help him up but his eyes were stuck on the scene before him. She could see the shock on his face, the disbelief, the feeling of hallucinating and it was amusing her. Before, it was the expression she was wearing when he was showing her something out of her comfortable little world. It was funny to see the parts reversed this time again.

“Where are we?”

His voice was barely more than a murmur. He forced himself to his feet, his eyes still on the object of his wonder. The surroundings were dark, cold and this thing was shining like the sun and calling for him. He didn’t move. He was hypnotized by the beauty of the scene but his reason was telling him that it couldn’t be true.

“Somewhere on Earth, somewhen in time. This seemed like the safest place at the moment. It still is true.”

“You could have built it at home. I would have loved it.”

“I didn’t build this. I’m not clever enough…”

“You are more than clever.”

“Not enough to build a TARDIS.”

What he had before his eyes indeed was a growing type 40 TARDIS. Identical to the one he had stolen thousands years ago. Sure the police box shape had become his favourite but having a real TARDIS? That was unexpected, astonishing. He had a hard time believing it.

“That can’t be possible. How would you… It would take a thousand years or more. I t can’t…”

“There was a coral strut with the sonic. And a letter. I followed the instructions after finding this place. I couldn’t do it at home, couldn’t let Torchwood know about it.”

“You don’t trust them much.”

He didn’t trust them either, but he had his own personal reasons to. Her own father was the head of the company specialised in alien technologies. She had worked with them. Something must have happened before he arrived for her to be so distrustful of Torchwood.

“I can’t trust them, nor any of what they do. I don’t like the way they work. It’s… wrong.”

“What do they do?”

She didn’t answer, turned her head away. She didn’t want him to read on her face. He was very good at that and she preferred keeping those secrets for herself. He was no man to accept this though. He got closer to her, grabbed her hand, intertwined their fingers. She was tensed and he was curious. He needed to know why she was acting like this, why she was doing things secretly.

“Tell me.”

His voice was softer, he brought her closer. She could trust him. She could always trust him. He wouldn’t betray her, would do anything to protect her. He had learnt a long time ago that Rose was no damsel in distress, no damsel to save. She could do that herself. However, she also had a deep vulnerability she was keeping hidden under a tough shield. Only him could see through. He had been her confident before and she had been deprived from him for years, had had to stay there without an ally or almost. And now he was back by her side and could see all the cracks in her shield. It was up to him to fix them all.

“It wasn’t something planned.” She swallowed, squeezed his hand, kept her eyes on the TARDIS. “In the first few months, we spent our time together to get to know each other better. Then we said goodbye and mom told Pete about how I sacrificed myself to save your life. She didn’t know much about the TARDIS, about the Vortex and all but Pete had done his researches.”

Her voice broke, he brought her closer to him, wrapped her in a protective embrace. She was trembling but not crying. Even there, in an unknown place and time, she was holding on. She was resisting. Hiding her feelings. Hesitating. Just like this day on the cliff. Alec had prevented her from jumping; the Doctor would have told her that if she was jumping, he would jump too. That was just how he was. Brave, stupidly brave for her.

“What has he done to you?”

Anger boiled in his veins. She could almost feel it when she put her head on his chest. She should be scared of such a fury. She really should be. He was the Oncoming Storm, the man standing as an obstacle in front of every threat without fear. Or seemingly without fear. He was mad at himself, at the universe, at the Time Lords. But we would do anything to keep her safe. Human or Time Lord, it didn’t matter. If his Rose was or had been hurt, he would unleash his rage. He would become the Oncoming Storm again.

“Rose.”

He slipped two fingers under her trembling chin and made her look up at him. His heard ached at the sight of so much pain and despair swirling in her amber brown eyes. Fear too, the fear of seeing so much anger in his eyes. He softened. He didn’t want to scare her. He just wanted to **_help_**.

“Since he met us the first time, Pete has done a lot of researches. I don’t know how but he found out that I absorbed the Time Vortex, that I was Bad Wolf. They took me by surprise. Drugged my morning tea. When I woke up, I was in a sort of glass coffin and they… they were testing me.”

All his body tensed at that tale. Her own family had betrayed her, thrown her into a complex situation she was alone to deal with. They had turned her into a Guinea pig, run tests on her, probably used her against her will and no one had raised a finger to help her.

“Does your mum know about this?”

Rose shook her head, “I couldn’t bring myself to tell her. I’ve never seen her this happy back in our world… I don’t want to ruin this.”

For a reason he wouldn’t be able to explain, the Doctor understood. He had been in Rose’s past many times – always made sure to never intervene and change anything, except for that red bicycle for her twelfth Christmas – had been in Jackie’s past as well and her attachment to Pete Tyler was something he thought he would never experience. The woman had been destroyed by his death despite their up and down relationship and had focused entirely on giving Rose a better life than hers… But Pete was back – another version of him for that mattered – and Rose was an adult who could handle herself. And their so strong bond had slowly faded. A sad story.

“How did you get out?”

Coming from Rose, he expected something impressive and clever but his reason was telling him otherwise. She remembered so they obviously hadn’t erased her memory or they had done it very badly. Could it be that they just…?

“They let me go. Who would have believed me anyway?”

Who would have listened to her in the first place? She had no friends back then, no one to speak to. Pete had her figured out in very little time. He had guessed she wouldn’t speak to her mother, no matter how close they still were back then. It really infuriated the Doctor. How could he have been so wrong on someone? Had he just wanted to see what he wanted to see for his Rose? How would she have survived if this human self of the man she loved hadn’t been created?

“But the worse is that they found **_something_**.”

His body tensed. Rose sniffled and wiped her nose with her hand. Her eyes were red but dry. She kept her voice steady as she explained to him that becoming the Bad Wolf hadn’t been without consequences. He had acted in time and saved her but the energy had corrupted a part of her. She was still human but an improved human: better senses, an ability for telepathic communications, a formidable gift for healing physical wound, an extraordinary awareness to the time passing. Nothing really out of the ordinary but Torchwood knew about it. They could use it to force her into doing stuff for them and who knew what else. He didn’t ask questions and she didn’t add more to the story. He didn’t want to know more. Not yet. Not if she wasn’t ready. It was enough for now.

He teleported them back home. The sun was slowly setting, drowning its burning rays in the quiet sea. The air was fresher than earlier, more pleasurable. They settled down on the chairs outside the house with the picnic they were supposed to eat earlier on the yacht. The Doctor would say that it was _cliché_ but it was quite **_romantic_**, in the modern sense of the term. Their mood was cheerier as they shared sandwiches and beers while watching the sun disappearing.

“I could get used to that.”

“Hm?”

“Spending evenings with you like this, just the two of us. Having a normal life.”

It had been silently decided that they wouldn’t talk about the TARDIS when they were out of the safety bubble that Rose had found to be sure the ship would grow peacefully until it reached maturity. In a couple months, they would be back where they really belonged. In the meanwhile, they would build their perfect little life together on Earth. Like normal people.

The sun was now long gone and they were still outside their rented house. Rose was uncontrollably laughing about him fighting the mosquitos and butterflies – “of all the things that could have disappeared, those freaking blood suckers have decided to stay and be the summer destroyers in every existing parallel world!” – and she found it heartily funny to watch him slap the night warm air in an incredibly stupid and yet sexy dance. Nothing could be funnier than this at the moment. She was on her fourth beer though. You would think that someone whose DNA had been improved by the Time Vortex would handle alcohol better. He was only slightly tipsy and grinning at her because there was nothing better than observing a happy Rose.

“We should play a game!”

She put the bottle down and her face showed that she was exulting. What did she have in mind that could cause such a burst of joy? She made the bottle spin several times until the neck ended its course in his direction with a mischievous smile on her face. He raised an eyebrow, getting really curious now.

“Truth or dare?”

“You’re not man enough for that, Tyler,” he laughed.

“You ready to bet on that, Doctor?”

He liked the expression of challenge on her face. That was triggering something in him. He drank the rest of his beer in one go and placed the empty bottle with the two others on his right. He looked at Rose in the eyes. She held his gaze, wasn’t gonna avoid this intense blue staring.

“Dare.”

He was playful. She wanted to play, he was gonna play. All night if that was what she wanted. He was ready for the challenge and she appeared to be too. He expected her to suddenly fall asleep once the alcohol and laughing and fatigue of the day would get to her but she was remaining wide awake despite the passing hours. No more alcohol for their the pack they had drunk. More and they would see Shitface coming to them and lock them in a tiny cell. An experience the Doctor wasn’t ready to live again. He had been in that situation too many times before.

“If you were given the chance, would you go back with him?”

She had picked truth and he had pronounced the question that had been haunting his mind. One of them at least. His heart was racing; he wasn’t sure he would hear the answer. Did he want an answer at all? According to the face Rose was making now, he probably wouldn’t even have that answer. Her smile was gone, the redness on her cheeks was due to the alcohol. She looked away, played with her fingers. He shouldn’t have asked that.

“I would go back to my original universe without hesitation.”

“So you’d go to him.”

He wasn’t disappointed. He had expected the answer. He had dreaded that answer. It was his turn to look away. The harm was done, the joy was gone. He traced the seams of his jeans. He couldn’t tell if he was sad or else. He was being realistic. She loved him but she loved the true Doctor more. It would be the pretty boy. It would always be the pretty boy.

“He has left me behind. More times than I can count, in more ways than I can tell.” She looked back at him. “You would never even think of leaving my side. Well, the Doctor who wore your face always came to find me if I was wandering around.”

“And you were wandering around all the time.”

“Curious, me.”

“I love that about you. You’re curious, you want to learn, you’re not afraid to make a stand for what is right.”

“I’ve had a good teacher.”

“Not the best. I was fresh out of the Time War. Deeply wounded. I was trying to fix my mistakes but I also needed you to understand how I felt.”

“Hence the end of my world.”

“That was stupid.”

“But I understood. And I promised myself to never leave you.”

She held a hand out to him. He hesitated for a moment, just staring at her hand. Was it just an offer for peace or the beginning of an answer that would please him more? She noticed the time it was taking him to take a proper decision. It hurt but it was her words that had caused this. His now human heart must be aching.

“I don’t know why but… even if you were born from **_his_** hand, from **_his_** energy, the fact that you are wearing this face, the face you had when we first met, my mind is convinced that you’re just the same.”

“Part of me is. It came back with the face. When I… When I regenerated that day, I wanted to be better for you. Younger, cheerier, more open on my feelings. Guess I was wrong.”

“It was fun. At first. And then, I noticed little things. And Torchwood happened.”

“You came back.”

“The worlds were in danger.”

“We would all have been screwed without you. Was too busy having fun, me.”

“That’s it. Carelessly having fun, always wanting to impress your companions.”

“Donna was hard work.”

This was supposed to be a joke but remembering Donna was also an open door to remember that she would never recall any of this. Rose didn’t know but before the walls separating the parallel worlds definitely closed, he was still sharing a bond with the pretty boy, with the TARDIS, with Donna Noble and he had seen her mind being deprived from the best memories of her life, of her self-confidence. The Doctor Donna died to save the human Donna. Without her, he wouldn’t be here and she would never remember him or Rose or any of her adventures. He would remember it all for her.

“But she was… how were you saying back then? Oh, **_fantastic_**.”

He grinned, “She really is brilliant. How lucky are you to be stuck with a man who’s got half of her personality?”

“That is quite interesting at times. Especially when you’re cross and use that accent of hers.”

She chuckled. Here, in this universe, they couldn’t make a difference between one accent or another. What was a Northern England accent for them is actually a south Australian accent. So, the mix of Northern Gallifreyen and Chiswick accents was curious to them. They had never heard it before. They considered the Doctor as an alien, which was funny for her since he was partly alien.

“I wonder if there is a Donna Noble in this universe.”

“I’ve made my researches. There was one. She was an old lady. She sadly passed away before you came here. She was a fantastic storyteller and narrator.”

“What her stories were about?”

“You would be surprised.”

“Oh, come on.”

“She was writing about a mad man in a blue box travelling the universe and fixing what needed to be fixed.”

“Could it be that a version of her never made it back in time? No… That wouldn’t work. This world wouldn’t exist anymore. Earth would be gone. It has to be something else.”

“It’s another one of those mysteries you love so much and listen to this: her daughter said that just before she passed away, she has received the visit of a young blonde woman with a long white and blue coat who was calling herself the Doctor. She told Donna that all her stories were true and she thanked her for sharing these adventures, for sharing the hope to the younger ones.”

“That can’t be possible.”

“Why not?”

“Gallifrey doesn’t exist no more. Only Time Lords were enabling and controlling the access to parallel worlds. And I’ve never been a woman before. The Doctor has always been a male.”

“I wouldn’t mind meeting a female Doctor.”

“I have to admit that it would be a nice change but…

“I’d love you no matter the age, the face or the gender.”

This time, he took her hand and intertwined their fingers. He wasn’t totally convinced that she wouldn’t go back to the other Doctor if she was given the chance to. Their talk had strayed on subjects close to his question but not enough to give him a proper answer.

“But I’ll always have a preference for the Doctor with blue eyes, the first face he showed to me.”

“Which technically was the pretty boy’s face on January, 1st 2005.”

“I haven’t seen much of this face. You stayed in the shadows to be sure I wouldn’t. So you technically were the first one I’ve met.”

“And I’m fine with that idea.”

He gave her one of his daft full grin and got up from the chair. He disappeared in the house for a couple minutes and came back with the basket of fresh fruits. She watched him as he picked a mature banana and peeled it off. She burst out laughing when he took a first bite and immediately made a face of profound disgust before coughing out the bit of fruit that had dared sullying his superior taste buds.

“What the hell is that?”

“You haven’t let me the time to tell you: in this part of the country, they are specialised in peer-flavoured bananas. You can’t find any ‘normal’ bananas.”

“But that’s criminal!” he snarled.

“That’s a banana. It just has a different taste.”

“I hate peers!”

“I thought every Doctor has their personal likes and dislikes.”

“The hate for peers is common to all my incarnations, past and future.”

“So you won’t give it a chance.”

“I’d rather jump in that dirty water than eat this freak of nature!”

“Go on.”

“What?”

Rose pointed to the water they were sitting by and she reiterated her challenge. After all, that was all the game they were playing before the atmosphere became more serious. She had said truth, he had suggested the dare. If he wasn’t accepting now, she was winning, and he would never let her win so easily so he just stepped over the edge of the quay and jumped in the water. She gasped. Her alcohol must have been worse than she thought if she had believed he wouldn’t do it. He was the Doctor. He was proud. If you were daring him to do something, he would do it.

“How is the water?”

The Doctor resurfaced, rubbed his face and smiled at Rose. _A happy idiot_, she thought as he was splashing around, fully clothed. Whether the water was warm or cold, it wasn’t bothering him at all. The fact was he wasn’t wearing bathing trunks either. Thinking about it, she never saw him fully naked. He was always wearing pants and a T-shirt, even around her. She never forced him to. He was uncertain about his body. That was something she had gone through when she was younger, when she became a woman. But what could he have to hide? She could only fantasize about his body and respect his decision. He would do the same for her. She got a nice overview when he swam back to the edge and hauled himself over of the water to the only strength of his arms. It gave her an idea, and the smirk on her face didn’t mean anything good for him…


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The Doctor placed a hand on her flask and gently forced her to stop drinking. She lowered her bottle, put the cap back on. All of that with interrogating amber eyes staring at him."

“What’s the point of this?”

The Doctor marked a stop on a flat rock on the path and turned around to face who was climbing the rough rocky track they had been following in the last couple hours. Her face was red and sweaty because of the effort and she was panting when she joined him on the flat rock. She raised a finger, put a hand on her knee and tried to catch her breath. His cheeks were rosy from walking this much without a real pause but that was all.

“That was just a stupid idea.”

“Coming here?”

“Hiking with you.”

“Why have you come up with that idea, then?”

“I told you. That was dump.”

She grabbed her flask and greedily drank from it. She was drinking so fast and voraciously that the water was running down on her chin and on her hiking vest. The Doctor placed a hand on her flask and gently forced her to stop drinking. She lowered her bottle, put the cap back on. All of that with interrogating amber eyes staring at him.

“Easy on the water. The next drinking point of water is over three miles away. You don’t want to run out of it before, right?”

“I hate you.”

Rose fastened her flask back on the heavy backpack she had and with a ‘hmpf’ of annoyance, she continued her walk, leaving him there. She ignored his protests in her back and resolutely followed the path they had chosen when they planned this hike. What was the point of it? She really wondered why she had had that stupid idea. She had gotten frustrated. When she had seen him getting out of the water, when he had walked back to his chair, his soaked clothes sticking to his skin, drawing every line of his tall and thin body, she had been forced to bite on his bottom lip hard not to jump on him. They should talk about it but instead, she had proposed to him to go for a hike. And there they were, on a full day of walking in the burning sun. And they would have to do the same to go back to the car on the next day. She was used to be active, to be running but this was awful.

It took him only a couple of steps to catch her up. He walked silently beside her. His face had never looked so serene than right now. He was happy to be hiking. There apparently was a sportive inside him. An old habit. He was running all the time as the Doctor. He needed to move, to be outdoors. This was the first time he truly felt good but the fact that Rose seemed cross with him was staining his well-being.

“What’s bothering you?”

It was a dangerous move. He was always running head first in the lion’s den. He was always flirting with danger. Rose Tyler was the proud daughter of Jackie Tyler and when she was lashing out, she wasn’t faking it. They were climbing a mountain. It certainly wasn’t a good idea to provoke her.

“Nothing.”

“That’s not nothing. I can see it on your face. Something’s bothering you.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter to me.”

She huffed and walked faster. She was trying to avoid his question. She didn’t want to answer which totally convinced him that she was hiding something from him. It was highly unpleasant. There was a time he wouldn’t have cared. Humans and mood swings. He had more important things to do. But now, this was hurting him. He would have insisted in the past. Today, he just shut up and walked behind her.

They reached their destination in the late afternoon with great relief. For Rose, because of the walk was finally over; for the Doctor, because it meant they would have a better talk. However, first, they had to build their tent and make a safe camp for the night. He had to admit that he had never done this in his life. That was pretty exciting to him but the notice was completely useless. He couldn’t understand it no matter how he was reading it. He did it without the notice. He was pretty happy when the tent collapsed. He heard a giggle behind him and turned around to find Rose mocking him.

“Oi! Do it yourself if that’s so easy.”

It was. It really was. In a jiffy, the tent was firmly pitched in the ground and it wouldn’t move even in the middle of a storm – which, fortunately, was a situation they wouldn’t have to face. He was making a large circle of rocks for the fire. He gathered dry wood and threw it in the circle for the fire they would light later. Then, he sat down on one of those camp chairs. Rose was sat on the other one.

“We should refill our flasks before really settling down,’ he tried.

“I’ll go.”

And, in the minute, she was up and gone to the drinkable point of water. He sighed. She was clearly avoiding him this time. What had he done wrong? Why was she always avoiding him? There was something wrong, that was obvious, and he had become too stupid to figure out the problem. He had an ordinary human brain now. It was working slower, like an ageing computer. It was annoying. He inhaled deeply the fresh mountain air and opened his eyes. He was standing on the edge of the sharp face of this mountain. He hadn’t realised he had moved. Hadn’t realised he was so close to the edge. He didn’t step back. He stayed on the edge, the tip of his walking shoes in the void. A screaming sense of danger was filling him. If he stumbled, it was over for him. The fall would kill him and no regeneration was possible. The end of the road. Forever.

It would be easy, really. Take a step forward, fall in the void. For a moment, he would fly and then, he would be free. For a moment, he would forget this universe, this human body, these questions and doubts. Just one step. That’s all it would take. Rose had said she wanted no one else but him days ago. She was drunk back then. She probably hadn’t meant it. That was what her behaviour was telling him. This was like being punched in the stomach. He was breathless suddenly and his heart was aching so much. What was the point of his life if she didn’t want him? All those doubts were driving him insane. Just one step, only one freaking step.

“Doctor?”

It was her voice but it didn’t reach him. A reminiscence. A hallucination. His mind was acting up. It was making him hear and feel what his heart was begging for. He was longing for Rose. He wanted her, he wanted her love, he wanted her arms around his waist. But it wasn’t him she wanted. Her words meant nothing.

His heart leapt when he felt himself stumble. So this was the end? A simple mistake? It didn’t feel like falling though. Soon, too soon, his back hit the cold hard ground and he didn’t move anymore. He had fallen on the good side of the mountain. All air was expelled from his lungs when another weight collided with his chest. He let out a sound of protest and was rewarded by a slap on his shoulder.

“How dare you?! How dare you even thinking about killing yourself? After all we’ve been through?!”

Rose was furious and pressed her finger hard in his chest. His eyes snapped open. She wasn’t an hallucination. She was really here. She had come to find him standing this close to the edge and she had naturally thought that he would jump. It had crossed his mind but he had never really thought about jumping. A Time Lord was regenerating. A human was dying. As simple as that. Nothing else. Dead and gone in a hole six feet under. It was slightly terrifying.

Rose was still yelling at him. She was having a rant about how she had come back to their camp to find him gone and she saw him there, about to jump in the void, about how she had panicked and taken him away from the edge a bit violently. And all he could do was staring at her plump lips with envy. That’s all he could look at: those lips he wanted to kiss. She would push him away if he tried. He had to wait until she was done lashing out. It was particularly difficult because of all of his senses seemed to have awoken with the fall.

She was straddling him, her thighs against his ribs, her bum on his lower belly. It was rubbing against the bulge in his pants. He swallowed. Her fury was sexy. She slapped his chest. The pain was another ignitor of his desire. The warm palm of her hand on his torso, right where his only heart was pounding, was spreading in his veins. Could she feel it, the rhythm under her fingers? She moved slightly, just enough. Her bottom was lower on his belly, lower enough to press against the most sensitive part of his body.

The wind was blowing harder now and her hair was escaping her ponytail to fly in her face. Long blonde strands of hair flying in the sunset, catching the golden rays, blinding him with a surreal halo of light surrounding her. Dimples appeared around the corner of her mouth when she smiled that irresistible tongue-touching smile. Was he daydreaming? Why would she smile at him? Blood pulsed through his veins. It was torture. He had never felt that uneasy with her before.

Her eyes were shining with hunger. An unsatisfied hunger he wouldn’t have understood in any other situation. But here and now, it was perfectly clear. Her soft lips met his dry ones shyly, hesitantly. She was holding back. He could feel all her tensed muscles under his fingertips. His hand slipped in her hair, took the hair bobble off. Her hair cascaded on her shoulders. He closed his eyes, nibbled her bottom lip gently. Goosebumps covered the skin of his chest when it was uncovered and her tongue was suddenly in his mouth and his hand was going down his hip, and her fingers passed under his pants and boxers. And then, he lost it.

x

“Mind-blowing,” he panted.

“Just what I was thinking.”

Somehow, they had managed to reach their tent and to make love three more times. The time had been rough. His back was wearing the marks of the hard ground and rocks and maybe of Rose’s nails. There had been so much frustration and sexual tension between them, and her fear to lose him had been the spark that blew up their inhibitions.

Her hand was resting on his bare chest. His skin was so pale compared to hers. He never exposed himself to the sun. Even when he was a Time Lord. Sleeping in his boxers was already an ordeal to him and Rose was always mocking his habit of sleeping with pyjamas when she only wore a tank top and panties. It was a nice thing to see that she was accepting her body as it was. Years ago, she was wearing oversized clothes. It was a sign of something. Or just a wrong fashion choice. Now, she was showing off her true self, showing her feminine forms.

“Why haven’t you told me sooner?”

“Tell what?”

“That you wanted to cross that line.”

“I thought you needed time to get used to this world. But it was something else.”

She dropped a kiss on his shoulder and gave his chest a comforting stroke. She should have seen it earlier. There had been so many clues. Many clues she felt bad for not noticing sooner. She maybe could have helped him and now, what was he thinking of her? Was he mad at her for forcing him to get out of the closet? He loved her but he hated himself and she hadn’t made it any easy for him. The signs were there, they had been for years and she had been too blinded by the extraordinary life he was offering her to remark his uneasiness.

“I’ve suffered from this for a long time. Since the Time War. Everything to punish myself.”

“You don’t need to anymore.”

“I’m still guilty. I’m in a parallel world but I’m still responsible.”

“You were given a second chance.”

“With you.”

“Better with two.”

She gave him another grin where her tongue was poking out and kissed his lips tenderly. He was hiding with his sleeping bag when Rose was just lying on hers. No one could see them. They were alone on that mountain top and the tent was closed. It was a reflex. Hiding. It was so anchored in his mind that he was doing it without even thinking about it. He sat up and pulled his shirt back on. His moment of freedom was over. His demons were back. Rose was watching him sadly. She wrapped herself around him when he was done.

“You can count on me, Doctor. We’ll do this together. We’ll heal out wounds.”

“It will take time.”

Her hand found his cheek and she stroked his skin. He leant in her soft touch, put a hand over hers on his shoulders. It was small moments like this he had thought he would never have, moments like this he was getting with the human heart he couldn’t get used to. Being human had given him a freedom he could only have dreamt of before and he was wasting this chance with overwhelming wrong emotions. He had to free himself from his past demons and embrace a new life. He had to find his own way to happiness with Rose.

“I was diagnosed with severe depression a couple weeks after I arrived in this world. I’ve lost my bond with mom, been turned into a Guinea pig, found myself lonely in a place I don’t belong to. I couldn’t see a therapist so I tried to fit in, tried to make friends. I’ve even dated a guy or two. It became serious at one point but…”

She trailed off and her gaze stared blankly at the fabric of the tent. He noticed her hand going down on her naked belly. Was it a voluntary move? Or was she unaware of it? Many women were doing it without even thinking about it. It was a natural reflex for them. He recalled his large knowledge on humans and their subtle signs perfectly and this gesture was universal. You could see it on every planet of every galaxy out there. You could change worlds, change dimensions, the language remained the same. It was so anchored in every psychology that it just couldn’t fade away. It was the universal gesture to bring protection to a growing being.

“You were pregnant.”

“A miscalculation, a faulty condom. A simple mistake.”

“You don’t want kids?”

Her voice was devoid of emotions as if she was telling the story of someone else. She was just distancing herself from the events. That was the only way to prevent it from hurting her all over again. That’s an attitude he could understand. Himself didn’t have enough perspective on his situation. It was too soon. It would eventually come after a while. Time was different here. It wasn’t passing the same way than in the other universe. However, it wasn’t too much to take for him. As a former Time Lord, he had travelled to many places with a different passing of time. Consequently, it was one thing he didn’t have to worry about and that was a relief.

“That’s not what I said.”

“But you didn’t keep the baby.”

“I didn’t want a child from a man I didn’t love.”

There was an embarrassed silence for both parts after this admission. If Rose was thinking the Doctor wouldn’t understand her motivations, she was wrong and it deeply saddened him. _He_ was the man she loved and a whole universe had been separating them. He had told her they would never seen each other again and she still remained faithful to him. She had been refusing to have a family of her own if it wasn’t with him. Meaning she would have died alone. Truly the worst loss all dimensions could go through. And obviously, the universes had thought the same since they found a way to bring her back to him, found a way to reward her for all her sacrifices.

“And now?”

“We have to take care of ourselves first.”

“You’re right.”

“And it’s starting from now.”

On those words, she dropped a kiss on his lips and they lay back down on their sleeping bags for a long cuddle. Later, they covered themselves up and gathered around the camp fire to share their dinner. They stayed out for a while to watch the stars and determine where they would land when they would be able to. Making projects was their way to convince themselves that the future was gonna brighter for them. The best way to fight the bad vibes.

x

“I’ve got a surprise for you!” beamed the Doctor.

He was just coming back from town where Rose had sent him to buy her a couple things – including the extremely confusing women’s period protections – and he had taken advantage of this little trip to stroll around town and have a look in the little shops. He loved little shops. You always found interesting stuff in there. Maybe useless, but interesting.

“If that’s one of those ridiculous things you’ve found in a little shop, you can keep it.”

He chuckled. Of course she would react this way. She had travelled with him for a while before they ended up here and she already had had to face this very human habit of his. The TARDIS was full of junk he was keeping in a special room and never using them in the end. Possessing them was just making him happy. But it was a real mess and they didn’t have the room to store all of these objects.

“That’s a gift for you,” he retorted, offended.

He wasn’t offended for real, he was just playing that part to be faithful to his self. It wasn’t because he was a mix of three different personalities that he couldn’t pick the one he was meant to be, and that personality had to be the one of the weary Doctor who had survived the War and was learning to love life again.

“What kind of gift?”

She was suspicious. She didn’t trust him. It wasn’t like he was making jokes all the time. He was never pranking her, not that he ever noticed. It was more in the pretty boy’s nature to be a sly fox. Not in his. But they had a shared DNA somehow so maybe he was doing things without realising it. He wasn’t remarking it either when he was speaking like Donna.

“A gift you will like.”

He showed up in the bathroom where she was preparing herself for the day. She had just come out of the shower. She had only had her underwear on and her hair was gathered in a towel that was twisted on top of her head. He leant on the doorway and observed her. He held a paper bag out to her.

“First, here’s what you’ve asked me.”

She took the bag from her hands and checked inside. She pulled out the period protections and threw them beside the toilet mumbling that it wasn’t there yet but that it shouldn’t be long. An idea that wasn’t pleasing her. Something he hadn’t experienced himself but he had an idea of how displeasing it was through the memories he had gotten from Donna. It was very disturbing to share memories with someone.

“Looks like you’ve got everything’s right this time.”

“I learnt my lessons.”

“Good boy.”

She put the bag down on the counter – what was left belonged to the kitchen and the bedroom – and kissed him tenderly to reward him for the efforts he was making in being a good human being. He smiled against her lips.

“What’s the gift then?”

“Curious you.”

“That’s the reason why you love me.”

“True.”

He gave her a small bag from another shop. She raised an eyebrow. It wasn’t often that the Doctor was spending the money she was giving him, and even rarer that this ethic was allowing him to buy something for _her_ with that same money. It was very light. She opened it slightly and pulled out a dark blue – a colour they usually called TARDIS blue – ensemble. It was a two-pieces bathing suit that went with a sarong.

“I thought you might like it,” he shrugged.

“That’s awesome. I’m gonna try it now.”

She had no complex in getting naked before him. His eyes followed the lines of her curves from her neck to her bottom. He felt an irresistible envy to lay his hands on her and to stroke every inch of these curves she was showing him. He acted like a good boy though and kept his hands for himself while she was pulling on the bathing suit. She fastened the sarong low on her waist and turned around to face him. She gave him a bright grin and he couldn’t help but grin back at him. She looked wonderful. He raised his two thumbs in sign of approval.

“It should be perfect for tonight’s pool party”, he told her.

“You’re right. You’re still coming with me?”

The Doctor awkwardly glanced at his clothes-covered body. He had said he would go with her to the pool party when they saw the poster in town but he hadn’t taken into consideration the fact that he would have to wear bathing trunks and only that. That was making him really uncomfortable.

“I don’t think anyone will blame you if you wear long swimming trunks with a T-shirt. And if they say something, I’ll settle a score with them.”

“This won’t be needed.”

“No one can hurt my fantastic Doctor.”

She giggled, he smiled, and things were decided. They would go to the pool party together but he wouldn’t get involved in activities that would force him to show his body in one way or another. And if he felt too uncomfortable, Rose and him would go back to the safety of their little house. Anything to heal their wounds at a convenient pace…


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The Doctor opened in eyes in response to the name he had been given to be acceptable on the civic field – another human norm he hated: you had to have a ‘normal’ name to be socially accepted, and just ‘The Doctor’ wasn’t an acceptable name – and was struck by the confusion."

The Doctor woke up with a pounding headache and a sore body. He was lying flat on his stomach. His position was similar to those silhouettes you could see on crime scenes. He was very alive and very dehydrated, very hot and very unwell. If he was asked, he would say that all of his limbs had been cut off his torso, that they were scattered all around him and refusing to his brain’s orders. Brain? What brain? His head only contained a puddle of brain cells in the middle of a raging battlefield. His fingers scratched the hard surface he was currently embracing. Wood. Definitely wood. His face was crushed against a surface made of varnished wood. A table? No. It looked more like a ground. A ground that was moving. Like a boat rolling on the sea. A sudden rise of bile burnt his oesophagus and he struggled to compel all his limbs to move and pull his body up. He never realised how much you can tangle a body before he messed up with his limbs that weren’t quite obeying to him.

It ended up with him crashing back down to the ground. His nausea was forgotten, replaced by the pain caused by the fall. He moaned, more of annoyance than of pain. What the hell was going on? He rolled on his back. The sun was stroking his skin. He was outside. He tried to focus on his surroundings despite the whole nightclub partying in his head. Last time he had felt this awful, he was drunk. The thought made him twitch. Drunk. That was it. He had drunk too much during the pool party and he was suffering from a terrible hangover. Drunk until the blackout What a stupid idea! Why hadn’t Rose stopped him? Had she been as drunk as him? No. She wouldn’t. Would she? She had come back to the TARDIS in a more than wasted condition numerous times when she was accompanying Jack to those parties on foreign planets. He should have gone with them instead of pretending he had better things to do. He was only worrying about her in the end.

Where was she now? Was she worrying about him? They were both at that party. He remembered them both walking in the swimming pool hand in hand. They had gone to the bar, ordered soft drinks… He frowned. Soft drinks. No alcohol. They hadn’t wanted to get wasted. They had just wanted to have some fun before going back home to cuddle. What could have gone wrong? Forcing his brain to retrieve missing memories was increasing his headache. Even if he wanted to known where his Rose was, he had to focus on something simpler. A goal he could achieve in this condition. First, he had to find the strength to move and drink some water. Or he could just lay here and list all the types of pain he was in. It would be quite long. There were a lot of them. There were burns and even those burns could be categorised. Stomach burns because of the excess of alcohol, irritation of the throat because of the dehydration, his neck, face and legs were hurting. If he had been there for hours, he probably sunburnt. And then, there were his wrists.

This kind of burns was unusual to him. It was nothing he had ever experienced in 900 years of life. It was burning and itching at the same time. The thrill of mystery snapped him out of the numbness induced by the alcohol he had drunk last night. He was certain to have drunk alcohol though he couldn’t remember it. He obliged his whole body to move and sat up. He stretched his neck with a grumble of pain. Glanced at his wrist. Knitted his brow. There was a bandage on both his wrists and a ribbon was fastened around his left arm. What had happened last night? He caught a corner of the plaster and pulled on it. He quickly got rid of the first bandage. His frowned expression turned into one of utter surprise. There, on his unusually red skin, a black ribbon was tattooed around his wrist. It was continuing on his other wrist. It was a fine piece of art but it clearly wasn’t his style. He was no man to get tattooed. He hadn’t done this willingly. And what could it mean?

Staring at those lovely lines swirling on his wrists brought a daydreaming thought he had had a long time ago, when he was travelling with Rose. Of course, he wasn’t wearing this face when he had had the thought but the memory was still there. It was during a day on Chlopović, a town of the planet Pochlović that was known for its landscapes and gardens and parks. Many of them had love for theme and were the witnesses of numerous marriages. Or, as they called it, the fastening hands ceremony. And yes, one day, he had daydreamt of going through this ceremony with Rose. Back then, he would never have admitted it. Now… It wasn’t like he would refuse if there was a chance. He was against domestics but he wanted his forever with the woman he loved. Well, if he could find her. And who was he engaged to? Where the hell was he? What had freaking happened last night?

“Spitz? Spitz, do you hear me?”

The Doctor opened in eyes in response to the name he had been given to be acceptable on the civic field – another human norm he hated: you had to have a ‘normal’ name to be socially accepted, and just ‘The Doctor’ wasn’t an acceptable name – and was struck by the confusion. When had he lost it again? He blinked. How long had he been there? Someone called out for an ambulance. Or for a doctor. He was a doctor. He was _the_ Doctor. But the words didn’t get past his lips. They said he was confused, badly dehydrated and his sunburnt were serious. Someone palpated his arm. There was a pinch and a sting. The sun was still high in the sky. He closed his eyes again. They carried him, placed him on a soft comfortable surface. It would have been perfect without the loud noise of a rotor, of a motor roaring somewhere above him. A helicopter. It was the first time he was traveling in helicopter. He thought. He wasn’t sure.

Next time he woke up from this alcohol induced situation, he felt much better. His head wasn’t pounding anymore and his skin was fresh, as if a layer of cold ointment had been rubbed in. He recognised the place he was in immediately. A hospital. Damn. He couldn’t be in a hospital. They would… He sat up, took the needle of the drip off his hand, took the plier on his finger off. The machine beeped loudly.

“Going somewhere?”

He turned his head so violently that he winced at the pop he heard. He could easily have blocked a nerve or caused himself a neck stiff. That would be the last of his worries. He had to find Rose. She wasn’t with him in that room but the Detective Inspector Alec Hardy – or the man who saved his life hours ago – was. That was the Scottish accent that gave him away.

“How did you find me?” He marked a pause. “Why were you looking for me?”

“You were on the list of the persons present at the pool party two days ago.”

Two days ago? Whatever he had drunk that night, it was strong enough to have made him forget a whole day in totality. A familiar feeling of adrenaline rushed through his veins. Danger. Mystery. Everything he loved. Hardy turned off the beeping monitor and dismissed the nurse who had just come in.

“I was there with Rose.”

“I know.”

“Have you found her?”

“Yes.”

“How is she?”

“Worried about you. I called to reassure her.”

“What happened at that party?”

“That’s the question I was gonna ask you.”

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. If Alec Hardy was seeking for answers from him, he would be disappointed. His brain had completely deleted this party from his memory. He didn’t even know where he was when he was found and brought here.

“The party started at 8pm. Around 10pm, the station got calls informing us that it was going wrong. Drugs have been added to the recipe and have caused a whole mess. Fights, arguments, robberies and it goes on and on.”

“I know nothing of this. I don’t even remember any of the party.”

“The contrary would have surprising. You ingested quite a dose. So did Rose.”

“But she’s fine.”

“You both had the good sense of leaving before it became unmanageable. You’ve wandered in town, met with other people who fled from the party. We have you on CCTV recordings until 5am. After that, nothing anymore. You were missing. Like dozens of people.

Their talk came to an end with the brutal opening of the door and the storming in of a blonde tornado who wrapped the Doctor into a tight and painful embrace. Rose. He hugged her back, let her examine him and hug him again while fully aware that Hardy had a full view on his naked arse.

“We’re gonna go back to our house. We’ll stay there. Together. I’ll take care of you.” She glanced at the detective behind them. “We can go?”

“He’s got the green light from me.”

He wasn’t a suspect, just a witness, and the doctors said he could go home. He was in the clear. They hadn’t found anything abnormal about him. He didn’t know if he should be relieved or not to be human. It was quite insulting. And comforting somehow. Nothing to fear. Nothing to hide.

x

_“Is it me or the lights are brighter and more colourful?”_

_Rose giggled, “You’re drunk.”_

_“I’m not.”_

_“You are.”_

_“I’d know if I was.”_

_Rose sniggered. He played offended. He thought she was lying but she knew better than him on this point. The weirder was that they hadn’t drunk alcohol. At all. It was just the beginning of the party. They wanted to enjoy it, not get wasted. So why was she too feeling tipsy? She left the Doctor alone a couple minutes to use the loo._

_There was a time when being alone for a while wouldn’t have bothered him. He used to be chatty, turned toward people and today, the crowd was terrifying him. Even with a numb mind that made him feel stupid. How were normal people handling such a slow brain? He grabbed another drink at the bar, and another when this one was empty. What was taking so much time to Rose? He was the silent witness of people getting drunker and drunker, of the atmosphere changing. Himself was having troubles. He couldn’t keep his balance; the sounds were coming to his ears as if he was underwater – maybe he was? – his sight was blurry. He was convinced not to have drunk alcohol and yet, he truly was drunk. He couldn’t deny it anymore as he was awkwardly reeling on the edge of the pool._

_“What are you doing?”_

_It was a voice he knew very well. Even with ears that didn’t work well, he would recognise his Rose. He turned around and gave her a gleeful grin. His fifth fruit juice had eliminated all tension and fear. He was relaxed. Happy. Maybe too much. Rose didn’t think it was normal. He could see it on her face despite the blur._

_“Enjoying the party! What about you?”_

_“We should go home.”_

_“No, we should step in the deep end.”_

_On that, he let himself fall in the pool and drag her with him. He was an excellent swimmer and he was back to the water quickly. Rose was yelling at him for being the stupidest idiot ever. Her fist connected with his shoulder and he was laughing heartily. If he had been sober, he would have noticed the danger, but his faculties were off. He would regret it later._

x

The Doctor woke up abruptly and sat up straight. His heart was racing and he was panting. The dream in itself hadn’t been scary. It was just a memory he had forgotten. His doctor at the hospital said it could happen. The memories could come back through dreams and flashbacks, or they could remain in the dark.

“You okay?”

He turned his head. Rose was laid on her side and watching him. No sign of sleep on her face. Had she been watching over him all this time? All the while he was gone, she had been looking for him and worrying. She had been less exposed to the drugs contrarily to him but she had had enough to let him go with a mysterious person at 5am. And none of them could remember who it was. He lay back down, stared at the ceiling. He was trying to bring his heart rate and breathing to normal. Rose put her hand on his cheek and stroked it gently to give him comfort.

“’s nothing. Just a memory from the party. Nothing helpful unfortunately.”

He sighed, closed his eyes. If only he could have a glimpse at the face of the person he had followed… The inquiry wasn’t going anywhere. This guy wasn’t findable. His acts had caused a huge mess, hurt lots of people. There was no obvious mobile. Maybe just someone who never left high school, someone who wanted the too serious to have fun. But there were consequences and this person had to pay for this.

“You’re peeling.”

She was amused by the situation. She took a bit of peeling skin between her fingers and pulled on it. He protested and slapped her hand away. His body was rejecting the damaged skin and replacing it by a fresh new one. If they pulled on the skin, it could cause more damages than there already were. They had to leave it like this.

“We’ve stayed locked in here for days.”

“I don’t want to go outside.”

“Doctor…”

“I’m not scared. I just… I don’t want to.”

It wasn’t entirely the truth and they both knew it but the Doctor would never say out loud that he was terrified. Someone had drugged him without him knowing and he had followed that someone. He would have died if Alec Hardy hadn’t found him. It wasn’t something that was pleasing him but it was the truth and he hadn’t even thanked him properly. It really was annoying him but he wasn’t an ungrateful man. He had to do something for him.

“Your friend saved my life.”

“I’m glad he did.”

“I have to thank him.”

“But you’re too proud to just say thanks to him.”

“Oi! Watch it, blondie!”

The nickname earned him a slap on his shoulder immediately followed by an apology. Even if his skin was peeling in some places, there were still others that were sensitive, especially when the touch was violent. Well, violent. It was a way to say it. Rose would never hurt him willingly unless he did something really stupid. Like standing too close to the edge of a mountain. Or betraying her in some ways. Which would never happen. He would never forgive himself if he did.

“So you wanna thank him the red bicycle way.”

He sighed, “I shouldn’t have told you that.”

She grinned one of those grins he liked so much on her face and he became oblivious of her mockery. Instead, he stole a kiss from her and got up from bed. He needed a good shower to clear his mind and feel better. He had had sponge baths in the past few days. It was the only thing he could bear on his burnt skin, and bearing this was a huge euphemism. Rose had had the benefit of doing this as if she was a nurse and he was a patient. She had pretty much enjoyed it but now he could take care of himself. He looked terrific in the mirror, and so he avoided it carefully. Rose was sat on the toilet lid when he came out of the shower. He had a towel around his waist and was using another to dry his hair. He stopped in his tracks.

“You know I don’t like it.”

“What don’t you like?”

“We talked about that already.”

“I remember.”

He used his second towel to hide his torso but it was too late and vain. Her eyes had already taken every single bruise and cut into consideration. If she wanted answers, he had none, and the hospital already listed all the wounds they had found on him. They also tried to convince him to see a therapist. That was the last of his troubles at the moment. All these wounds were self-inflicted and they had thought he had done this to himself. It might have come up to his mind a few times but never to that point. And he wasn’t smoking… Was he?

He ignored her, turned his back on her but she wouldn’t just stay there and say nothing. She was behind him in two swift steps. Her warm and gentle hands unwrapped his torso, put the towel aside. She was facing his back. Her fingers delicately slid down his arm. A shiver ran down his back. Her hand found his, she slipped her fingers between his, squeezed his hand. He heaved a shaky sigh. He wouldn’t win this round, even if he was pleading. And he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t go so low. He had his proudness.

She didn’t compel him to turn around, didn’t even come around to face him. Instead, she grabbed the white T-shirt on the top of the pile of clean clothes he had prepared for today. An unexpected side of him. He was _planning_ things. The pile of clothes was only one of those things. A small one. He must have inherited this trait from Donna. She unfolded the shirt, delicately passed his head in the hole made for the head. As an automatism, he passed his arms in the sleeves.

“We could invite him over for dinner.”

“In the house he’s renting to us?”

“Yeah, I see your point.”

“Dinners are private. For me. I only want to share them with you. You’re my family.”

She wrapped her arms around his waist. She kept her embrace loose for him not to be uncomfortable. She placed her head on his back. Just the comforting embrace he needed. And his words moved her. He was a man without family and she had lost her bond with hers. They only had each other. A little family of two. Better than nothing at all. Better with two.

“Maybe for lunch then?”

“It doesn’t solve the whole ‘he’s renting the house to us’ thing.”

“We could go in town.”

“Is there any restaurant around?”

“Of course. Small town but civilised.”

“But…”

“It doesn’t have to be today or tomorrow. We can wait until you’re better.”

He got free from her embrace, pulled on his boxers and jeans. He didn’t face her immediately. First, he straightened his shirt, rubbed his face. He had to think about shaving. Or should he keep the stubble? He didn’t think Rose would like the full beard, but she might like the T-shirt. He had bought it for himself when he was out for shopping. Before the pool party happened.

“Do you want me to shave you?”

He raised an eyebrow. That was the first time she was making an offer like this to him, but they had crossed a line on that mountain, had unlocked the next stage in their relationship. Her hand was certain. She wouldn’t tremble. But did she really want to do that for him?

“What?”

“I can shave you. I was doing it sometimes for Mickey.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope.”

“Rickey never had facial hair.”

Rose chuckled but he was being mean to Mickey again. Sometimes, she was missing her best friend and regretting the time they had had together. She should have treated him much better. He deserved better and hopefully he would find the happiness she hadn’t been able to give him.

“Come on, sit down on the toilet lid.”

He shrugged and obeyed while she was filling the sink with warm water and gathered the razor, the shaving foam and a towel. She faced him and almost dropped the shaving stuff. First, there was astonishment. Then, she burst out laughing. It was so unexpected to see him wearing a white shirt with a large smile and a wink. He glanced at the pattern.

“Don’t like my shirt?”

“Yes. Yes, I do. That’s just surprising.”

“I should have taken the banana shorts to go with it. You would have loved it.”

“Sure I would. We can still go and get it if you’re up from this.”

“And then, we’ll go to the fair?”

“What made you change your mind about going out?”

“If you can shave me without trembling, I can go outside without fear.”

She grinned her signature tongue-touching smile and he grinned back at her. The fair had settled down behind their rented house last weekend and the music of the attractions were resounding every day and every night. It was driving him insane. But it could be fun to go and try to impress Rose. For now, he closed his eyes and appreciated her expert hands shaving the light stubble on his face. She delicately cleaned his face when she was done.

“You’d like it if I had a beard?”

“I wouldn’t mind if you liked it.”

“And a moustache?”

“No way.”

“Sure about that?”

“Certain. I’m okay with the stubble and a full beard but not with the moustache. It’s awful.”

He smiled again and she sat on his lap for a short hug. She put some aftershave on his face and neck. There, he was all ready and looking awesome with that peeling skin, that smile and that outfit. She would get him that banana shorts if he really wanted them. It would be a private joke between them. But right now, she was betting on him really wanting a banana flavoured ice-cream. It was time to make their first appearance outside…


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "As a former Time Lord, this was all trivial pursuits. He had had no time for that when the universe kept calling out for help. Today, he was living a human life and his time was limited. He had to enjoy every minute of every day."

The fair was crammed with people. The summer was beautiful and hot and people preferred staying outdoors than going back home where they wouldn’t sleep because of the persistent heat. The Doctor wasn’t complaining. He liked the heat, the summer. After surviving a cold and harsh winter, he definitely preferred summer. But that summer, the first one he was sharing with Rose, was as special as fantastic. He wanted more of them. He wasn’t ready for winter to come back again with its colds and winds and rains. So he was enjoying this warm night out with Rose. They had shared an ice-cream, bought the banana shorts – he had even accepted to wear them tonight – and had had dinner in a nice little restaurant. Since then, they had been wandering around in town. He had been quite uncomfortable surprisingly. With Rose’s hand in his, nothing could go wrong. Just like the old times.

Their steps eventually led them to the fair and Rose and acted like a five-year old child around the attractions. As a former Time Lord, this was all trivial pursuits. He had had no time for that when the universe kept calling out for help. Today, he was living a human life and his time was limited. He had to enjoy every minute of every day. He went on the merry-go-round with Rose, rode the ghost train – none of them were scared and they had a good laugh – jumped on trampolines, drove small karts – Rose mentioned something called _Mario Kart_ but he didn’t get the reference. They spent lots of money in many attractions – the bumper cars were fun, especially when he was playing against an expert like Rose, and stopped for giant candy flosses. It was a break in their night of fun. The candies tasted different. He had never eaten something like this before and didn’t know if he liked it or not. It was sour and fizzy. Weird. And the faces he was making were amusing Rose.

They were casually zigzagging between people when Rose’s eyes fell upon something that really caught her attention. Since her mouth was full of sugar, she just bounced up and down, a hand holding her candy floss, the other pointing at what she had seen. Her eyes were sparkling with joy and excitement. He followed the direction of her finger and sighed. Of course. Typical. Cliché. This was _the_ attraction all the girls and women loved and every boy and man had to prove themselves on it. Rose was pointing at a giant unicorn plushie which was the biggest prize of their shooting attraction. Grab a gun, shoot the heart of the target and you were the winner. But the game was rigged and it was impossible to win. Here, the targets were replaced by old stuffed toys that weren’t up for sales because of flaws or wears. Small ones so they were harder to shoot. He could see where this was leading him.

“It doesn’t fit in the car.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Do you known unicorns are fake animals created by humans?”

“In our original universe, they are fake.”

“And not in this one?”

“I’ve seen one in my many attempts to get back to you.”

“You kidding?”

“Nope. The only proof is in Torchwood.”

“You brought…”

“I would never condemn anyone to that.”

She finished her candy floss and tossed the stick in a bin. The Doctor imitated her and joined her in a couple steps toward the shooting attraction. She had such an aversion of Torchwood that she surely knew more about their activities than she was telling him. It wasn’t only because they had tested her. There was something else and she wouldn’t say a word about it. He wasn’t cleared to hear that information. When he would be the Doctor with his TARDIS again, he would dismantle the whole organisation brick by brick.

“Win the unicorn for me?”

Her aversion was gone. She was back at smiling and pleading him for that huge animal plushie. He could boast about him not doing domestics, about him being a strong male, she would always do all she wanted of him. So if she was watching him like this with begging eyes and batting eyelashes, he would give in without a second thought but with an annoyed sigh. And just with that, she knew she had won. She grabbed his hand and ran toward the attraction. They had to wait until the group of males before them was done with pretending they were any good to finally access the game. Rose dropped money on the counter.

“One round for mister Big Ears.”

“Oi!” protested the Doctor and Rose at the same time.

“Pick your gun, shoot the toys. If you have them all, you win the giant unicorn.”

The Doctor looked all the guns on the counter. There were different sizes and models. He picked a Sig Sauer. A Smith & Wesson would have been better, lighter, but it would do. He was given five little fluorescent green marbles. He slipped them in the charger and unlocked the security. He aimed.

“Don’t shake like this, mate. This isn’t a real gun.”

The man had no idea of what this gun reminded him of. Rose did. She realised she had done a mistake. Putting a gun in the hands of a war survivor, in the hands of someone deeply traumatised by the horrors caused by weapons. She put her hand over his.

“Doctor,” she began softly. “You don’t have to do this. I’m sorry.”

No. He didn’t want to give up. He wasn’t about to kill anyone. Not ever. He was the man who never carried a gun. His children of Time, as Davros called them, were his weapons. It wasn’t any better. In the end, there always were victims around him. He lowered the Sig. He had to clear his mind.

“Sir, it’s just a game. If you don’t wanna do it, I give the money back.”

To prove he was a man of his words, the stallholder pulled the money they had given him out of his cash case and pushed it back toward Rose. She was about to take it back when he clenched his teeth, aimed the gun and pulled the trigger five times. Only then did he put the weapon down.

“You’d be a very bad killer,” commented a Scottish accent.

Alec Hardy had joined them. He was on duty tonight, watching over the town in his grey suit with a messy tie. He was patrolling around when he had seen them. Seeing Maxence Spitz with a gun had caught his attention. He wasn’t an expert but he wasn’t a beginner either. He could hold a weapon but he wasn’t a good shooter. He had missed all the targets.

“Would you be better?” the Doctor defied him in return.

“I’m not armed, but I’m trained to fire so it wouldn’t be fair.”

The detective was showing no hostility to him. He wasn’t entering the game. Had Rose talked to him? Or had he seen that he wouldn’t stand another chance? He simply asked how they were and dropped the news: a suspect had been arrested but he wouldn’t talk for now. This brought memories to the Doctor’s mind. Him, on the deck of a boat, a man above his body. He was sat against the railing, a cigarette in hand, and was meticulously burning the bruise skin of his torso; A laugh was echoing. It was disgusting, revolting.

“Doctor?”

He snapped back to reality. Rose and Hardy had taken him aside, away from the attraction, from people. Rose had her hands on his shoulders but her voice wasn’t getting to his ears. There seemed to have cotton in there but he could hear the music loud and clear. It was deafening; He cleared his throat. He had had an off moment but he was back.

“Sorry, got lost in my thoughts. Happens often.”

“No,” refuted Rose. “There was more to those thoughts. You had a memory.”

Of course. He should know better than to lie to her. She would always decipher his mind. It was easier now that he was human. His brain was simpler, working like hers instead of working like one of those quantum computers they used in their advanced technology. It was rather frustrating sometimes.

“’s nothing. I was on that boat, cigarette in hand and…” he swallowed, mimed the gesture of pressing a ciggy on his chest. “And someone was laughing. Nothing else. No face, no name.”

Alec was writing down in his small notebook, Rose was stroking his hand with her thumb. Anger was boiling in her veins but she was unshaken. Except for him, no one could read her feelings. She was tough. Torchwood had changed her. Both in good and bad ways.

“Anything else you’d remember?”

The Doctor as about to snarl but the detective was just trying to help him. He was doing his job. The Doctor focused, gathered the little memories he had of that failed party. The deck and the laugh came back naturally. He was back on that boat. It wasn’t the yacht Rose and him were sharing. It was smaller. They were several like him, enslaved, compelled to do terrible things but he was alone when he was found. What had happened to the others? He concentrated on the laughing guy. He must have seen something. Anything that could help. The face as always blurred. He couldn’t see the features but there was…

“On his arm. The right. He had a tattoo.”

He was pointing at his own arm. Up the forearm, right before the elbow joint. A medium dark tattoo. It was representing some sort of logo. Something he had already seen. He drew it approximately on Hardy’s notebook and, from the corner of his eyes, he saw Rose’s face turning pale. She recognised the symbol.

“That’s Torchwood. They have a special unit. All the members have this tattoo.”

“What’s that unit up to?”

“They’re like the SWAT or else, except they’re operating on paranormal stuff.”

“There’s nothing paranormal.”

“You’d be surprised,” replied the Doctor and Rose.

Alec Hardy was too rational to believe in something extra-terrestrial or paranormal. That was better this way. The less he knew, the safer he was. That’s certainly why Rose had kept him in the dark on some aspects of her life. But like everyone in this world, he knew about Torchwood. At least about their activities on the face of it. Pharmaceutical researches and alien experiments. They were playing their cards close to their chest.

“If he’s really from that special unit, you won’t get anything from him. He’ll be out before tomorrow morning. They’re untouchable.”

That was highly displeasing for the detective. He put his notebook a pen back in the inside pocket of his jacket. He would do his own researches on that case. Rose had to leave them alone for a moment. Leaving the Doctor with Alec wasn’t the best of ideas because of their stupid rivalry but he was the only one she trusted to protect him just the time for her to call someone and settle a score. When she came back to them, the Doctor was hugging the giant uniform plushie with a gleeful grin on his face. Next to him was a moody Alec Hardy. They had spent the time she was gone to win the biggest prize. This was unusual for Alec. She grinned and hugged the soft toy and the two men, thanking Hardy for his work and help, thanking the Doctor for this unicorn for her. Their night of fun was over. The Doctor still needed rest and it was getting late. And Hardy still had work to do.

x

The window was slightly open and a fresh breeze was stroking their bodies. The night was hot and the Doctor couldn’t find sleep. Neither could Rose. So they were just lying there in bed, talking to each other. It was only light talks, funny words and projects for the near future. It was nice to think of the future. Of a future with Rose. He couldn’t imagine the rest of his life without her.

“What about the tattoos?”

He had noticed that she had the same and he had insisted on getting back the ribbon he had when he was found on that boat. He was keeping it with the sonic screwdriver. Precious objects. Her tattoos were as fresh and delicate as his. They couldn’t touch it yet. They had to heal first. They were getting itchy.

“Oh. Yeah.”

It seemed to sadden her that he didn’t remember this part but it wasn’t his fault. None of this was his fault. None of what had happened was his fault. He was the victim here even if this word would never be used in front of him. Calling him a victim would lead to a fight. It would hurt his ego, hurt his feelings. That’s not what she wanted. She wanted him to believe in himself again, to find a real self-confidence he was lacking of. So the word was forbidden.

“One of the guests told us he was a specialist in particular weddings ceremonies like hand fastening. Your face lit up like Tony’s on Christmas morning. You said that it was what you wanted for us instead of a formal boring ceremony in white and, to be honest, the way you described the ceremony… I really wanted it. I wanted us to be married forever. And we did it. It was magical.”

He could see the tears brimming in her eyes. They were tears of happiness because it had been such a beautiful moment. She found his hand and held it as while she told him the whole ceremony the vows they pronounced, the ribbon fastened around their hands and wrists. The memories were coming back to him – or was it his imagination – accompanied by the soft sound of her voice. Magical indeed. Maybe they had taken this decision too fast but he wouldn’t go back. He was Rose’s husband now and forever. And to seal the magic of the moment, they made sure to never forget that they were bonded by this ribbon, they had found an exceptionally open late tattoo parlour and asked for a matching tattoo. They had been lucky with the result.

“What do you think Torchwood was doing here?”

“Looking for something. The drug was only working on people not entirely human.”

“You were affected too.”

“Bad Wolf.”

“But they weren’t after us. Or they wouldn’t have left us behind.”

“Pete knows my opinion on the subject. If he lays a finger on you, Torchwood goes boom.”

“That won’t stop them.”

“I know.”

“What do we do?”

“Make no waves. Lie low. Then, we leave forever.”

The Doctor couldn’t help but smile like crazy. Make no waves. As if it was possible for him not to make waves. He wasn’t running into troubles. They were finding him everywhere he was. Even when he was enjoying holidays with his now wife. And despite the inconveniences, it had been the summertime of their lives. One he would cherish for the rest of his short life…


End file.
